Beauty in Death - One Man's Message to His Baby Girl and the World

Nick, Alyssa, and Austyn Magnotti

 I saw this video today and was so moved by it that I knew I had to share with you.  Some of you may have already heard about Nick Magnotti and his struggle with cancer.  I had not until this morning.

Their Story . . .

Nick Magnotti and his wife, Alyssa, were married in 2008.  They were happily in love with each other and more importantly they were both in love with their Lord and Savior.

In 2011, Nick began having severe pain in his abdomen while he was at work.  It worsened the next day and he was taken to see a doctor.  A large tumor was found through exploratory surgery and he was diagnosed with Mucinous Adenocarcinoma - a rare form of appendix cancer.  Major surgery was performed to remove the tumor.  After he recovered from this surgery, life returned back to a sense of normalcy.

In July of 2012, the couple found out they were pregnant with their first child.  Nick had always wanted children and was beyond excited.  Nick and Alyssa still traveled back and forth to the doctor for scans to see if Nick's cancer was returning.  Nick's abdominal pain began to flare up again in September of 2012.  Their fears were realized in October when Nick's doctor discovered that his cancer had returned.  Worse yet, it had spread throughout the rest of his abdomen.  Chemotherapy treatments were started in hopes that his tumors would shrink enough to perform another surgery.

Their beautiful baby girl, Austyn, was born on March 26, 2013.  Nick and Alyssa were so happy to welcome this new addition into their family.  However, Nick was still fighting a heated battle with his cancer.  Another surgery was attempted only to show that the cancerous tumors had spread even more, undetected by pre-surgery scans.  Nick went through several more chemotherapy treatments before the tumors became resistant.  The miserable side effects of the chemo had also proved to be more than Nick could take. Nick's goal at this time was to live as long as he possibly could to be with his wife and see his daughter grow. 

Nick passed away on January 7, 2014 at the age of 27.  He was ready to meet his Savior and his family knows they will meet him again someday in heaven.  Alyssa said of her husband on their blog (teammagnotti.org), "Anyone who knew Nick will remember him for his infectious smile, generous heart, loving compassion and sound belief in his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ." 
    

In Reflection . . .

As I dwell on this family's story, it amazes me how positive this man was able to stay in the face of such painful circumstances.  The thought of only having a brief period of time to be physically present in my child's life would be so overwhelming for me.  I can't help but think about what I would do if my husband or I were in the same situation.  Would I be able to stay strong for my family?  Would I question God and His purposes?  What kind of legacy would I leave behind for my child?  The video below was made by Nick and Alyssa to make an impact in the lives of others and for Austyn to be able to someday see who her Daddy was.  Please watch the video and share this post with others.  It was Nick's hope that his life would make a difference in the lives of others.  Let's help keep his story going and continue to pray for the Magnotti family!

Nick's Video . . .

Refresh Your Marriage Every Day With One Simple Thing

If you're living, breathing, and in love with your spouse, helping your marriage grow should be important to you.  Am I right?  I know I want to continue to see my relationship with my husband flourish every day.  I want him to still pursue me even though he has already captured my heart.  I want to learn more about him even though he thinks I know him better than anyone else.  Whether you're a newlywed or a 50-year veteran of the married life, I hope this is also your desire.

Now the question is ... what is this one simple thing addressed in the title of this post that will help me do this?  The answer is ... conversation.  MEANINGFUL conversation!  This is something my husband and I have to work at all the time.  It's easy to get into the rut of daily "small talk" when you're chasing a baby, cooking supper, doing laundry, throwing a muddy dog in the tub, etc.

I really liked an exercise in a workbook we used as part of our pre-marital counseling and thought it should be passed on.  The book we read was Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott.  The exercise is called "The Daily Temperature Reading."  The author suggests daily following these basic steps with your own unique style:

1. Appreciation.  Take turns expressing appreciation for something your partner has done.  Thank each other.

2. New Information.  In the absence of information, assumptions (often false ones) rush in.  Tell your partner something new ("We finally got a new account executive at work").  Let your  partner in on your life, and then listen to the news your partner shares.

3. Puzzles.  Take turns asking each other something you don't understand but your partner can explain: "Why were you so down last night?"  Or voice a concern about yourself: "I don't know why I got so angry while I was balancing the checkbook yesterday."

4. Complaint with Request.  Without being judgmental, cite a specific behavior that bothers you and state the behavior you are asking for instead.  "When you clean the top of the stove, please dry it with a paper towel.  If you don't it leaves streaks."

5. Hopes.  Share your hopes, from the mundane ("I hope we have sunshine this weekend") to the grandiose ("I'd really love to spend a month in Europe with you"). 1 

Take time to talk to your spouse every day.  Ask questions ... questions that don't call for just a "yes" or "no" answer.  If the hustle and bustle of work and family makes it difficult to have a good conversation, set aside a block of time each day and say, "This is OUR time to talk to each other and do nothing else."  Just make sure it's a good time for BOTH of you.  Don't do what I often try to do.  Many nights I try to talk to my hubby after we're already laying in bed with the lights out - he falls asleep within about 2 minutes and I'm left talking to myself.  This doesn't work out too well.

To end this post I'd like to share an excerpt from another mom's blog post titled "Save Your Relationships: Ask the Right Questions."  I found it both humorous and very true.

When Craig returned each day at 6:00 pm (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile, and say – “So! How was your day?”

This question was like a spotlight pointed directly at the chasm between his experience of a “DAY” and my experience of a “DAY.”  How was my day?

The question would linger in the air for a moment while I stared at Craig and the baby shoved her hand in my mouth like they do – while the oldest screamed, "MOMMY, I NEED HELP POOING," from the bathroom and the middle one cried in the corner because I "NEVER EVER EVER" let her drink the dishwasher detergent. "NOT EVER EVEN ONCE, MOMMY!!!" And I’d look down at my spaghetti stained pajama top, unwashed hair, and gorgeous baby on my hip – and my eyes would wander around the room, pausing to notice the toys peppering the floor and the kids’ stunning new art on the fridge . . .

And I’d want to say:

How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated - just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. Husband - when your day is completely and totally dependent upon the moods and needs and schedules of tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats your day is ALL OF THE THINGS and NONE OF THE THINGS, sometimes within the same three minute period. But I’m not complaining. This is not a complaint, so don’t try to FIX IT. I wouldn't have my day Any.Other.Way. I’m just saying- it’s a **** of a hard thing to explain - an entire day with lots of babies.

But I’d be too tired to say all of that. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted. But I’d be a little sad because love is about really being seen and known and I wasn't being seen or known then. Everything was really hard to explain. It made me lonely.

So we went went to therapy, like we do.

Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really care to know them – we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: “I’m not just checking the box here. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throw away answers, we can’t ask throw away questions. A caring question is a key that will unlock a room inside the person you love. 2

Remember ... good communication is key in keeping your marriage healthy and happy.  So go try out what you've learned and share this with someone else!  

Sources:
1.  Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Workbook for Women (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), 39 
2.  Glennon Melton, "Save Your Relationships: Ask the Right Questions," January 16, 2014, <http://momastery.com/blog/2014/01/16/save-relationships-ask-right-questions/#comments>

Why I Choose to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

Our sweet boy!

I've been working on this post for a few days now and have been looking forward to sharing it with you.  This is a topic that probably resonates with a lot of women today.  I believe every mother is pretty much in one of three positions: 

1. She is a stay-at-home mom.
2. She wants to stay home with her children but has to work due to financial strain or being a single parent. 
3. She is a career woman who loves her children and also enjoys her work.  

There is nothing wrong with any one of these three positions in life.  As I said in number two, many women have no choice but to work.  I simply want to tell you why I daily make the choice to stay home with my son.

My son, Daniel, was born in August of 2013.  Before he was born my husband and I had already made the decision that I would stay home with him.  We both feel that it is important for our children to be raised with their mother at home rather than spending most of their week in the care of someone else.  My parents made the same choice with my brother and me which I feel had a big impact on my childhood. 

However, I will tell you that it is not always easy from a financial standpoint!  When you are a single-income family you have to make many sacrifices.  A small-town pastor does not get a large paycheck by any means, but we know it is enough to live on when we budget carefully.  I am actually a Registered Nurse and I know if I worked right now, I could have a job that pays very well.  Sometimes I even feel guilty about this, but then I think about the job I have right here at home.  I wouldn't trade this precious time in my son's life for anything.  My baby boy just turned 5 months old this week.  I can't help but think about how much I would be missing every day if had gone back to work after he was born.

I've gotten the question from several people, "Are you going back to work when Daniel starts school?"  Our plan is for me to continue to stay home because we want to homeschool our children.  I was also homeschooled from Kindergarten through 12th Grade.  This surprises a lot of people, but I can honestly say that I would not have had it any other way.  I loved being homeschooled!  It's important to me to know what my child is learning and to be able to teach him with a biblical mindset.

Lastly, I must say that I feel I'm living my purpose at this time in my life.  At no other time have I felt more fulfilled than I do now that I'm a wife and a mother at home with my family.  I wake up in the morning to see my child's smiling face and know that I get to spend my day watching him learn and grow.  Every evening I get to welcome my husband home and cook a nice meal for him.  I'm able to make my home just that ... a HOME.  And no matter how many sacrifices or lifestyle changes we may have to make ... we are HAPPY.  

I pray that I will continue to have the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom and I hope this post helps someone who may be considering doing the same! 

Recipe Review: Zesty Baked Kale Chips

Today's post is all about food!  I wanted to share with you my review of a recipe I came across and tested out this afternoon ... Zesty Baked Kale Chips.  Just so you know - I love potato chips just as much as the next person.  I definitely would not call myself a health nut.  I do, however, love trying new things!  Kale is also said to have many benefits.  WebMD describes kale as a "nutritional powerhouse."  It is low in calories and high in vitamins A, C, and K.  Pass me the kale, please!

The recipe I used is found on Sommer Collier's website www.aspicyperspective.com.  She has some incredible dishes that my husband and I have really enjoyed trying out.  I will paste the recipe below, but click here to see all the details of her full recipe.    

Ingredients:

• 2 bunches kale
• 2 heaping Tb. almond butter
• 1 Tb. olive oil
• 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp. chili powder
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp. salt

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Wash the kale and dry thoroughly with paper towels. Pull the leaves off the center ribs in large pieces and pile on a baking sheet. Discard the ribs.
2. In a small bowl mix the nut butter, oil, spices, and salt. Pour over the kale. Use your hands to massage the kale leaves until each one is evenly coated with the spice mixture. You don't want any of the leaves to be drenched in the mixture, so take your time doing this. The more evenly the kale leaves are coated, the better they will bake.
3. Lay the kale leaves out flat on 3-4 full sized baking sheets (work in batches if necessary.) Do not overlap. Bake for 10-11 minutes until crisp but still green. Cool for a few minutes on the baking sheet before moving. If some kale chips are still a little flimsy or damp, remove the crisp chips and place the damp chips back in the oven for a few more minutes. Store in an air-tight container.

Difficulty:  
Overall this recipe was very easy!  I've never used kale before and this was a good recipe to start with.  I also had fun making these chips.  I think this would be an excellent recipe to get your children involved in - it's simple and a little messy!  

Preparation:
It took me a little longer than the estimated 15 minutes to prep everything.  I may have had an especially large bundle of kale, but it took the full amount of almond butter and spice mixture to coat 1 bundle of kale rather than 2 for me.  Instead of pouring the mixture over the kale as the recipe says, I kept the mixture in a bowl and coated each leaf individually before placing it flat on the baking sheet.  Definitely don't drench the leaves!  It doesn't take much to evenly coat each one. 

Taste:
Personally, I really liked the flavor of my first kale chips!  The chips were crispy and flavorful.  They weren't spicy so if you want to turn the heat up a little you can add extra cayenne pepper to your mixture or whatever other spice of choice you like.  My husband was a different story though.  He tasted them and thought they were disgusting so I would not qualify these as "man food!"  He's more of a "meat & potatoes" kind of guy.

Overall, I would certainly make this recipe again sometime!  I also tried baking some kale chips simply coated in olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper.  These were tasty too but not nearly as "zesty!"  So if you are feeling adventurous, pick up some kale and give this recipe a whirl.  If you like it or if you have tips for making it even better, let me know!  

One of the Best Things You Can Ever Do For Your Husband

Okay, ladies!  This is my first post and I must say that it is worth taking a few moments to read and ponder over!  Not because of my writing but because of what we can all take away from it.  Trust me … if we as wives can all do what I’m about to share with you, it will truly make a difference in our marriages, our homes, and our families.

What am I talking about?  Prayer!  Now, here is the big question … do you pray for your husband?  I know from my own experience that sometimes the responsibilities of being a wife, taking care of a home, being a mother (if you have children), and all of the other demands of life can unfortunately cause your prayer life to become abbreviated.  Your daily prayer for your husband may just be, “Lord, please keep my husband safe today.”  This is all well and good, but there’s a lot more we can add to that prayer.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:18 that Christians are to pray for each other.  How much more important is it for wives to pray for their husbands?  Proverbs 31:12 (ESV) says, “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”  I know I can do so much good for my husband by daily lifting him up in prayer in the deeper aspects of his life.  So here are seven areas to get you started in praying for your husband. 

1)  Pray for his spiritual growth. 

Pray that your husband will be accountable before the Lord and daily seek to grow his relationship with his Father.  Pray that he will talk to God and take the time to listen for His answers.  Pray that he will dig into the Bible with a passion to learn and become a man after God’s own heart.

2)  Pray that he will be a leader. 

Pray for him to grow in his leadership skills.  You want your husband to be able to lead you and your family wisely – protecting you, providing for you, and promoting spiritual growth in your family as a whole.  Pray that he will lead in your home with the godly example of being involved in church on a weekly basis. 

3)  Pray for faithfulness in marriage. 

Pray that your husband will forever stay true to his wedding vows.  My husband and I framed our wedding vows and hung them in our home as a daily reminder of the commitment we made to one another.  Pray that he will desire to cultivate your relationship as a picture of Christ’s love for the Church – pure and unwavering.  Pray that he will guard his heart against any hint of inappropriate behavior with another female and give you his undivided affection.  

4)  Pray for his integrity. 

Pray that he will work to maintain a strong character.  Pray that he will not compromise his convictions, that he will keep his testimony genuine, and that he will be honest in his daily life.  Pray that his character and integrity will stay strong in his workplace.  This is often where many men face the greatest opposition in their faith.  Pray that he will practice patience, understanding, and forgiveness.  

5)  Pray for financial wisdom.   

Pray that your husband will handle your family’s finances wisely and with discernment.  Money is often one of the most difficult things to deal with in a marriage and can often be a source friction.  Pray that he will partner with you to be a good steward of the money God has entrusted to your family by tithing, budgeting, and investing.  

6)  Pray for his purpose. 

Most men thrive on feeling purposeful and having goals in life.  Pray that your husband will discover and live out God’s purpose for his life.  Pray that he will give his dreams and desires to the Lord and pursue goals that will glorify and honor Him.  Pray that he will find other men along the way to encourage him and hold him accountable before God in his life pursuits.  

7)  Pray for balance in his life. 

Pray that your husband will be able to balance the demands of life.  Work, play, time at home, church – one can too often outweigh the other causing strain on him and also on your family.  Pray that he can maintain a healthy balance and not feel overwhelmed.  The stability of your love and respect will help him tremendously in this area.

Honestly, this list could go on and on.  Take each of these thoughts and make them your own.  Only you know your husband and the stresses he endures each day.  What I’m really saying is pray for him specifically.  He has needs, struggles, fears, and desires that he may not even share with you.  But do you know what?  You can still pray for those.  Build your husband up today!  Pray for him in a deeper way than you thought was possible.  You may begin to notice a change in him.  In your marriage.  In your family in general!  Imagine what he can accomplish with God and you on his side if you are daily covering him in prayer.  Just try it!  You won’t regret it and neither will he.

Please share this with anyone else you believe it could help!